One of the advantages of being disorderly is that
one is constantly making
exciting discoveries.
--A. A. Milne
Drawing on my fine command of language, I said nothing.
-Robert Benchley
Imagination is more important than knowledge.
-Albert Einstein
May you never meet a mouse in your cupboard with tears in his
eyes!
-J. C. Furnas
When we lose, I eat. When we win, I eat. I also eat when we're
rained out.
-Tommy Lasorda
There is no free lunch.
- Milton Friedman
There are two rules for success: 1) Never tell everything you
know.
-Roger H. Lincoln
I don't know who my grandfather was; I'm much more concerned to
know what his grandson will be.
- Abraham Lincoln
And in the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's
the life in your years.
-Abraham Lincoln
It has been my experience that folks who have no vices have very
few virtues.
-Abraham Lincoln
"What would you do? Cut a great road through the law to get
after the Devil?"
"I'd cut down every law in England to do that."
"Oh? And when the last law was down, and the Devil turned
round on you -
where would you hide...the laws all being flat?"
-Robert Bolt, "A Man for All Seasons"
Sometimes I think the surest sign that intelligent life exists
elsewhere in
the universe is that none of it has tried to contact us.
-Calvin
The juvenile sea squirt wanders through the ocean searching for a
suitable
rock or hunk of coral to cling to and make its home for life.
When it finds
its spot and takes root, it doesn't need its brain any more, so
it eats it.
It's rather like getting tenure.
-Michael Scriven
Confidence is the feeling you sometimes have before you fully
understand the
situation.
-(?)
If you believe everything you read, better not read.
--Japanese proverb
A soft answer turneth away wrath.
--Proverbs 15:1
One who walks in another's tracks leaves no footprints.
--Proverb
Everyone is kneaded out of the same dough but not baked in the
same oven.
--Yiddish proverb
Don't approach a goat from the front, a horse from the back, or a
fool from
any side.
-Yiddish proverb
Was she so loved because her eyes were so beautiful or were her
eyes so
beautiful because she was loved?
-Anzia Yezierska
Heaven is where the police are British, the cooks are French, the
mechanics German, the lovers Italian and it's all organized by
the Swiss.
Hell is where the chefs are British, the mechanics French, the
lover's Swiss, the police German and it's all organized by the
Italians.
-(anon.)
Service to others is the rent you pay for your room here on
earth.
-Muhammad Ali
In large states public education will always be mediocre, for the
same reason that in large kitchens the cooking is usually bad.
-F. W. Nietzsche, Human All- too-Human, I,1878
When the missionaries came to Africa they had the Bible and we
had the land.
They said "Let us pray." We closed our eyes. When we
opened them we had the
Bible and they had the land.
-Bishop Desmond Tutu
The best argument against democracy is a five minute conversation
with the average voter
-Winston Churchill
A fanatic is one who can't change his mind and won't change the
subject.
- Winston Churchill
Never hold discussions with the monkey when the organ grinder is
in the room.
-Winston Churchill
You can always count on Americans to do the right thing -- after
they've tried everything else.
- Winston Churchill
The greatest lesson in life is to know that even fools are right
sometimes.
-Winston Churchill
A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist
sees the opportunity in every difficulty.
-Winston Churchill
"I cannot forecast to you the action of Russia. It is a
riddle wrapped in a mystery inside an enigma."
-Winston Churchill
"Success consists of going from failure to failure without
loss of enthusiasm."
-Winston Churchill
What luck for rulers, that men do not think.
-Adolf Hitler
By means of shrewd lies, unremittingly repeated, it is possible
to make people believe that heaven is hell -- and hell heaven.
The greater the lie, the more readily it will be believed.
-Adolf Hitler
Whenever you find yourself on the side of the majority, it is
time to pause
and reflect.
-Mark Twain
When I face an issue of great import that cleaves both
constituents and
colleagues, I always take the same approach. I engage in deep
deliberation
and quiet contemplation. I wait to the last available minute and
then I
always vote with the losers. Because, my friend, the winners
never remember
and the losers never forget.
-Thomas H. Kean
The mockingbird can change its tune eighty-seven times in seven
minutes.
Politicians regard this interesting fact with envy.
How can one conceive of a one-party system in a country that has
over two
hundred varieties of cheese?
- Charles deGalle
When I was a boy of fourteen my father was so ignorant I could
hardly stand
to have the old man around. But when I got to be twenty-one, I
was
astonished at how much he had learned in seven years.
-Mark Twain
The face of a child can say it all, especially the mouth part of
the face.
-Jack Handey, Deep Thoughts
A hen is only an egg's way of making another egg.
-Samuel Butler
"The point I have been patiently trying to make,"
Godwin said impatiently,
"is that you expect far too much of a first sentence. Think
of it as
analogous to a good country breakfast: what we want is something
simple, but
nourishing to the imagination. Hold the philosophy, hold the
adjectives,
just give us a plain subject and perhaps a wholesome,
nonfattening adverb or
two."
-Godwin to Danny Deck, Some Can Whistle
Do not regret growing older. It is a privilege denied to many.
-(?)
1. Do not put statements in the negative form.
2. And don't start sentences with a conjunction.
3. If you reread your work, you will find on rereading that a
great deal of
4. repetition can be avoided by rereading and editing.
5. Never use a long word when a diminutive one will do.
6. Unqualified superlatives are the worst of all.
7. De-accession euphemisms.
8. If any word is improper at the end of a sentence, a linking
verb is.
9. Avoid trendy locutions that sound flaky.
10. Last, but not least, avoid cliches like the plague.
-William Safire's Great Rules of Writing
SOCIALISM - You have two cows. The government takes one to give
to someone else. COMMUNISM - You have two cows. The government
takes both and gives you the milk. FASCISM - You have two cows.
The government takes both and sells you the milk. NAZISM - You
have two cows. The government takes both and shoots you.
BUREAUCRACY - You have two cows. The government takes both,
shoots one and pours the milk down the drain. CAPITALISM - You
have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull.
An old woman was sitting in a park in Moscow reading a
"Teach Yourself Hebrew" book. A policeman notices her
and decides to start to give her a hard time. "What are you
reading that for?" he shouts at her. She replies, "I am
old, and I will die soon. I want to be prepared; so I am studying
the language of heaven." The cop says, "Well, how do
know that it's heaven that you are going to?" The old women
answers, "Well, honestly I don't, but that's okay. I already
speak Russian."
WHY G-D WILL NEVER GET TENURE AT ANY UNIVERSITY
1. Only published one book.
2. It was in Hebrew.
3. It had no references.
4. He did not publish it in referenced journals.
5. Some doubt He even wrote it Himself.
6. He is not known for His cooperative work.
7. Sure, He created the world, but what has He done lately?
8. He did not get permission from any review board to work with
human subjects.
9. When one experiment went awry, He tried to cover it up by
drowning all
the subjects.
10. When sample subjects do not behave as predicted, He deletes
the whole
sample.
11. He rarely comes to class-just tells His students to read the
Boo
12. Although He only has 10 requirements, His students often fail
His tests.
13. He expelled His first two students for learning.
14. His office hours were infrequent and usually held on a
mountain top.
-faculty members at Kansas State University
-instructors at Allen County Community College
EVERYTHING I NEED TO KNOW I LEARNED IN KINDERGARTEN
1. Share everything.
2. Play fair.
3. Don't hit people.
4. Put things back where you found them.
5. Clean up your own mess.
6. Don't take things that aren't yours.
7. Say you're sorry when you hurt somebody.
8. Wash your hands before you eat.
9. Flush.
10. Warm cookies and cold milk are good for you.
11. Live a balanced life--learn some and think some and draw and
paint and
sing and dance and play and work every day some.
12. Take a nap every afternoon.
13. When you go out into the world, watch out for traffic, hold
hands, and
stick together.
14. Be aware of wonder. Remember the little seed in the Styrofoam
cup: The
roots go down and the plant goes up and nobody really knows how
or why, but
we are all like that.
15. Goldfish and hamsters and white mice and even the little seed
in the
Styrofoam cup--they all die. So do we.
16. And then remember the Dick-and-Jane books and the first word
you
learned--the biggest word of all--LOOK.
-Robert Fulghum
My uncle ordered popovers
from the restaurant's bill of fare.
And, when they were served,
he regarded them with a penetrating stare.
Then he spoke great Words of Wisdom
as he sat there on that chair:
"To eat these things," said my uncle,
"You must exercise great care.
You may swallow down what's solid,
BUT...you must spit out the air!"
And as you partake of the world's bill of fare,
that's darned good advice to follow.
Do a lot of spitting out the hot air.
And be careful what you swallow.
-Theodor Seuss Geisel (Dr. Seuss), From a commencement address
I went to my first computer conference at the New York Hilton
about 20 years
ago. When somebody there predicted the market for microprocessors
would
eventually be in the millions, someone else said, "Where are
they all going
to go? It's not like you need a computer in every doorknob!"
Years later, I
went back to the same hotel. I noticed the room keys had been
replaced by
electronic cards you slide into slots in the doors. There was a
computer in
every doorknob.
- Danny Hillis
When one door closes another door opens; but we often look so
long and so regretfully upon the closed door, that we do not see
the ones which open for us.
--Alexander Graham Bell
When I examine myself and my methods of thought, I come to the
conclusion that the gift of fantasy has meant more to me than any
talent for abstract, positive thinking.
--Albert Einstein
The whole of science is nothing more than a refinement of
everyday thinking.
--Albert Einstein, Physics and Reality [1936]
If we knew what it was we were doing, it would not be called
research, would it?
--Albert Einstein
It is only to the individual that a soul is given.
--Albert Einstein
The important thing is not to stop questioning. Curiosity has its
own reason for existing. One cannot help but be in awe when he
contemplates the mysteries of eternity, of life, of the marvelous
structure of reality. It is enough if one tries merely to
comprehend a little of this mystery every day. Never lose a holy
curiosity.
--Albert Einstein
Never regard study as a duty, but as the enviable opportunity to
learn to know the liberating influence of beauty in the realm of
the spirit for your own personal joy and to the profit of the
community to which your later work belongs.
--Albert Einstein
A human being is part of a whole, called by us the Universe, a
part limited in time and space. He experiences himself, his
thoughts and feelings, as something separated from the rest--a
kind of optical delusion of his consciousness. This delusion is a
kind of prison for us, restricting us to our personal desires and
to affection for a few persons nearest us. Our task must be to
free ourselves from this prison by widening our circles of
compassion to embrace all living creatures and the whole of
nature in its beauty.
--Albert Einstein
The point is to develop the childlike inclination for play and
the childlike desire for recognition and to guide the child over
to important fields for society. Such a school demands from the
teacher that he be a kind of artist in his province.
--Albert Einstein, Out of My Later Years
One should guard against preaching to young people success in the
customary form as the main aim in life. The most important motive
for work in school and in life is pleasure in work, pleasure in
its result, and the knowledge of the value of the result to the
community.
--Albert Einstein, On Education
Weakness of attitude becomes weakness of character.
--Albert Einstein
Imagination is more important than knowledge.
--Albert Einstein
Everything should be made as simple as possible, but not simpler.
--Albert Einstein
A man's ethical behavior should be based effectually on sympathy,
education, and social ties; no religious basis is necessary. Man
would indeed be in a poor way if he had to be restrained by fear
of punishment and hope of reward after death.
--Albert Einstein
Great spirits have always found violent opposition from
mediocrities. The latter cannot understand it when a man does not
thoughtlessly submit to hereditary prejudices but honestly and
courageously uses his intelligence.
--Albert Einstein
The most beautiful thing we can experience is the mysterious. It
is the source of all art and science.
--Albert Einstein
I am enough of an artist to draw freely upon my imagination.
Imagination is more important than knowledge. Knowledge is
limited. Imagination encircles the world.
-- Albert Einstein
The most beautiful thing we can experience is the mysterious. It
is the source of all true art and science.
--Albert Einstein
We believe that an informed citizenry will act for life and not
for death.
--Albert Einstein on atomic energy, Jan. 22, 1947
Imagination is more important than knowledge....
--Albert Einstein
The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
-- Albert Einstein
If the facts don't fit the theory, change the facts.
--Albert Einstein
I never think of the future. It comes soon enough.
--Albert Einstein
I know not with what weapons World War III will be fought, but
World War IV will be fought with sticks and stones.
-- Albert Einstein (1879-1955)
The individual must not merely wait and criticize, he must defend
the cause the best he can. The fate of the world will be such as
the world deserves.
--Albert Einstein (1879-1955)
In the middle of difficulty lies opportunity.
--Albert Einstein
Imagination is more important than knowledge.
--Albert Einstein
The important thing is not to stop questioning.
--Albert Einstein
We should take care not to make the intellect our G-d; it has, of
course, powerful muscles, but no personality.
--Albert Einstein
When you are courting a nice girl an hour seems like a second.
When you sit on a red-hot cinder a second seems like an hour.
That's relativity.
--Albert Einstein
It is the theory that decides what we can observe.
-- Albert Einstein
To punish me for my contempt for authority, fate made me an
authority myself.
--Albert Einstein
It is, in fact, nothing short of a miracle that the modern
methods of instruction have not yet entirely strangled the holy
curiosity of inquiry.
--Albert Einstein, "Autobiographical Notes"
The problems that exist in the world today cannot be solved by
the level of thinking that created them.
--Albert Einstein (1897-1955)
Great spirits have always found violent opposition from
mediocrities. The latter cannot understand it when a man does not
thoughtlessly submit to hereditary prejudices but honestly and
courageously uses his intelligence.
--Albert Einstein
The most beautiful thing we can experience is the mysterious. It
is the source of all art and science.
--Albert Einstein
Problems cannot be solved at the same level of awareness that
created them.
--Albert Einstein
Two lawyers are in a bank, when, suddenly, armed robbers burst
in. While several of the robbers take the money from the tellers,
others line the customers, including the lawyers, up against a
wall, and proceed to take their wallets, watches, etc. While this
is going on lawyer number one jams something in lawyer number
two's hand. Without looking down, lawyer number two whispers,
"What is this?", to which lawyer number one replies,
"it's that $50 I owe you."
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